I Never Considered Myself Xenophobic, And I Am Not, But...

New Jersey colleges are piggybacking on a federally funded project to gain more international students. The Study New Jersey website provides information about the state's colleges and the forms needed to attend school here. Officials describe it as a way to add all-important diversity to campuses and to create "lifelong friends for the United States."

Before I read further into the story, I knew another critical reason: these students pay the full, out-of-state tuition -- about double what New Jersey students would pay. No wonder we want them. And indeed, that is one reason given for this program.

But that begged another question -- would students paying retail receive preference over New Jersey kids, whose high-property-tax-soaked parents were counting on a break, finally, from the Garden State? In a news article, the Rutgers admissions director "dismissed the suggestion" and said it wouldn't happen since the school has gotten increasingly selective. Not sure that was a real answer to the question. And it seems to me that public colleges need to be sensitive to the fact that they will be receiving more applications from in-state during this tough economy.

Maybe I am shortsighted. Maybe I just don't get it -- after all, I can't believe how much is spent on the Rutgers football program. It will be interesting to see how many international students are attracted to New Jersey's schools.

Taking a Cue from Football -- Fining Teens for Bad Behavior

I don't pay much attention to sports but I saw this article in The Wall Street Journal about New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez and was intrigued. "The suddenly no-nonsense, etiquette-obsessed New York Jets have introduced a series of fines to punish Mr. Sanchez for his nagging habit of negative body language." He is going to get fined for pouting, slouching, blaming someone else for his own mistakes, and so on. It think this is a brilliant idea that can easily move from the football field to dining room table.

Imagine if your teen were fined every time she rolled her eyes or he blamed poor teaching for a bad grade? As responsible parents, we would hold those fines in an education escrow account. Then, around senior year parents could count up the cash and then realize they'd collected so much from their acting-out offspring that they could fund a week or so of college.

Good manners do pay!

Getting to Know Campuses Inside Out

It's the season of campus tours. We've talked about the desirability of doing college tours starting in sophomore year -- it's a way to get a feel for the campus, the kids, the classes, maybe even spend a night in a dorm.

Here's a pragmatic suggestion for freshmen and sophomores. Make friends with juniors and seniors. Maintain the relationships. Then, if they go to a school your teen is interested in, maybe an overnight can be arranged. But be sure to send your teen off with a host/hostess gift of really good snacks and other college fare.

Here's a nice summary of how to prepare for these tours, when to take them and what should be accomplished.

Sifting through the Online Resources

Remember, I am still a novice at this college admissions stuff. I also have a sense of wonder about all that technology can do. Combine those qualities and you get my reaction to CollegeWeekLive, something I just learned about from a friend whose son is a high school senior.

This is a free program. Just register and then take a look here for a set of FAQs that explain how it works. It's essentially a virtual college fair. You, or your teen, can visit the college "booths," at times conduct live chats with admissions officers and even students from featured schools and just plain learn a lot without leaving home. Of course it doesn't substitute for a campus visit, but it's a great way to get a feel for a school and to learn some basics about it. All part of the selection/winnowing process.

Silence Doesn't Make Suicide Go Away

Backpacks, 1,100 of them, were arranged neatly across a gym floor at Montclair State University in New Jersey. The backpacks, some with photos and remembrances, represented the 1,100 college students who committed suicide in 2009.

The exhibit, called "Send Silence Packing," was part of a national Active Minds conference on college student mental health and suicide prevention. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for college students, behind accidents and homicide. For all of us parents of teens, note that 14 percent of high school students have seriously considered taking their own lies, according to Center for Disease Control data.

What can we do? Start talking about it -- with our kids, at schools, everywhere. And as parents, before we send our kids off to college, we ought to find out what kind of mental health support systems are available. Maybe we need to add that to the list of things to consider about prospective colleges.

Money Talks at Colleges; Money Talks Should Be Held in Families

Here's a cheery bit of information to end the week . Dean Sklaris has been a college administrator, has taught, consulted with the ACT and now has his own business advising families on college matters.

He mentions that 100 colleges now cost more than $50,000 a year; that admissions and financial aid are not separate activities but entwined, and that it is easier to get in if parents can pay the full bill; that those who get financial aid are the kids the schools really want -- star athletes, brilliant students or those with special talents.

Sklaris' advice is to consider the financial issues early, and discuss them as a family. "If parents want to pay less, they need to understand which colleges want their child most and why. They must consider cost early in the process, and be realistic in considering schools that are not among the top brands. There are hundreds of 'hidden gems' across the country, and families who approach the process strategically stand a better chance of finding them."

Putting the Guesswork into the AP

Guessing, something we all do, every day, in nearly every aspect of our lives, has long been discouraged on College Board tests such as the SAT and AP. In fact, students were warned against random guessing in the most forceful way possible -- a wrong answer penalty.

On the other hand, the ACT, which has gained far more test-takers in recent years, doesn't have that penalty. During the summer, the College Board announced there would be a change in how AP tests are scored. To date, AP scores have been scored this way: total amount of correct answers minus a fraction for incorrect answers.

As the College Board states, "If you have SOME knowledge of the question, and can eliminate one or more answer choices, informed guessing from among the remaining choices is usually to your advantage."

The new grading feature will apply to AP tests taken in May 2011. Don't start holding your breath quite yet for a similar change on the SATs.

Grading 529 Plans

Mutual fund expert Morningstar has just published its seventh annual report on 529 plans. The report looks at 53 of the largest plans, focusing on the underlying investments, performance, manager, track record of the fund company and fees. Some were very good, others below average, particularly in terms of weak performance and high fees -- always a bad combination.

For those of us with teens in high school and no very young ones, the report may not be too useful. In fact, you may want to pass on looking for your plan's ranking. Ignorance may not be bliss in this case, but reality may bring you to tears.

AP Economics

I'll never think about AP the same way again. I thought they made our students more competitive and maybe might allow them to move beyond some 101 courses freshman year. Thanks to a story in the St. Petersburg Times, naive me is now better informed.

In Florida, which ranks No. 1 in the country in the number of students taking the tests, school districts pick up the tab which can go as high as $86 for each AP test taken. Families are thrilled because they save testing fees and then, it's estimated they will save over $40 million in fees and tuition this year thanks to courses skipped.

But somehow, when seemingly everyone is taking an AP course, how can they make a student more competitive? This fall, most incoming freshmen at Florida State University were able to exempt a semester. University of Florida freshmen had enough credits to exempt two semesters.

The issue of placing so much weight on AP tests -- and paying for them -- has led to an inevitable result: as participation rates have risen, passage rates have gone down. And Florida is wondering if this is such a good deal for the state.

And I am wondering whether AP courses are losing their glow if taking them is the norm rather than the exception. Not that I want our teen to forgo them...

Take a Breath - Remember What Matters

There are days when I feel foolish, spending time on thinking and writing about the college admissions process. Of course understanding the process is necessary as is providing informed guidance and having freewheeling discussions about college with our teens. But it is just college, for gosh sakes.

Here's what really matters. Life, family, caring for others. In the past several weeks a dear and long-time older friend had a stroke: she is recovering but her life will never be the same. A lovely young neighbor has had health issues. And the beautiful, smart and talented mother of a dear friend died. Yes, she was 87, but her decline was so fast, so difficult for her and her family; so very sad for her friends.

It puts things in perspective. Let's appreciate and love our teens -- in this moment, at this age, even if they sometimes make us crazy, even if they don't do things the way we would, even if they don't get into the schools they wanted -- or we wanted for them.

In reading Ted Sorensen's obituary today, a somewhat related thought occurred to me. As much as we hate to admit it, success often comes on the wings of luck. Here's what President John Kennedy's speechwriter (an oversimplified adjective for a man's full and long life) said about himself in his autobiography, Counselor. "I still believe that the mildest and most obscure of Americans can be rescued from oblivion by good luck, sudden changes in fortune, sudden encounters with heroes,” he concluded. “I believe it because I lived it.”

We never have total control of when our dearest leave us, or of news that isn't to our liking. So let's take charge when we can -- and show our family and friends, every day, how much they mean to us.

The Numbers May Not Lie, But Not All GPAs Are Created Equal

Grades from the first marking period will soon be in the mail. I can't remember specific grades from my first report card in sophomore year, but I am sure it will be similar to our teen's. Stronger in the liberal arts, better in geometry than algebra, not so hot in physics but not for lack of trying.

Nor do I remember my class rank out of 400 or so students. It was respectable, I think, but maybe not stellar, for the reasons above (algebra and science).

Here's a take on the issue of GPA and why it is so difficult to compare grade point averages from different schools. One admissions officer calls it "precision guesswork." It's because rigor of classes, even cultural and geographic variations, can affect a GPA, and provide challenges in comparison.

As imperfect a measure as it is, the GPA remains an important element of student selection for this one reason: it has proven to be the strongest indicator of the ability to complete college, at at time when, according to a study a few years ago, it takes nearly 50 percent of college students six years to finish a four-year program.

If You Can Stand It, More on Money

Aside from various calculators available for families to help determine their contribution to college, there will now be more help from colleges, since each college is different in how it grants aid, and in what form.

By Oct. 29, 2011, all colleges that participate in Title IV student aid programs (assuming that is most schools) must post a net price calculator on their Web sites, providing that school's data to show estimated net price information to current and prospective students as determined by the individual student's situation. Here's a summary of the law, under What's New on this U.S. Department of Education bulletin.

Good news for sophomore families -- a little more enlightenment!

Some other interesting news on college costs comes from the 2010 "Trends in College Pricing" and "Trends in Student Aid". Public universities raised tuition and fees nearly 8% in 2010 to cover shrinking state support and private colleges increased 4.5% But there was also a large increase in financial aid, supplied by federal government sources, which lowered the amount actually paid.

My concern: how long can the Feds keep up the largesse?

Parents' Lament -- Where Will the Money Come from?

By the time your teen is in high school (and given today's economic environment), there may not be a lot of opportunities to boost the college fund. But whether you're in good shape to pay for college or losing sleep over it, it is still important to have The Talk. That's when you sit down with your teen and discuss all elements of college admissions, including cost. The Talk may involve some probing on the parents' part as well as offering some guidelines.

Vince Pattillo, a certified financial planner and a certified college planning specialist, puts it in simple terms. Have the student focus on what she wants to be when she grows up. It doesn't have to be precise, but just a general sense is useful in this exercise. Then start identifying schools where the student will excel and get a good grounding for the next step -- the best graduate school possible. He recalled someone who went from associate degree to Rutgers to a Wharton MBA. This may not be the path we've dreamed of for our kids, but it's one that works if the student is driven and determined.

Whatever direction is taken, it must be paid for. Here's a good place to start grasping your family's contribution in paying for college.

Meanwhile, if your child is a sophomore and you are looking ahead to writing those big checks in less than three years, here is some sensible advice from Vince:
-- if you haven't done so, speak to an expert who can look at your financial situation and offer advice.
-- if you don't have a 529 plan, don't start one now; the fees will kill you. Instead, just be diligent about saving and keep it in a conservative fund.
-- manage your own expectations, and help your child manage his; be open-minded and look for the right fit, not necessarily a school with a famous name.
-- parents and child, be patient with each other. You've got some exciting (and maybe a little stressful) times ahead.

Gauging the State of Admissions

Want some fascinating reading? Take a look at the recently released 2010 State of Admissions study by the National Association for Admission Counseling (NACAC), based on 2009 data.

The study received headlines for data that showed only 65% percent of colleges saw an increase in applications, versus 75% last year. And 29% showed declines, the largest percentage since 1996. Research relates this to "changes in student enrollment choices" linked to the economy.

What was intriguing to me is on page 22 of the document, a chart that shows an overview of the relative importance of factors in the admission decision in 2009. Of considerable importance to colleges are grades in college prep courses (86.5%); strength of curriculum (70.7%) and SAT/ACT results (57.8%). Class rank comes in at 16.3%/considerable importance; 42.2%/moderate importance.

I was surprised at the rankings of some items I thought would be more important. Again, I am a novice. Anyone else surprised?

Parents, Back Off -- More Tales from the Front Line Part 2

Who knows whether we're doing a good or could-be-better job in raising independent, college-ready teens? Are we all, even subtly, guilty of too much helicoptering? What are the other issues that get in the way?

Sometimes it takes a little perspective. Our pediatrician panelist observes the parent/child dynamics during routine visits to the doctor's office.

"From about the age of three to four, I will usually address the child/patient first when asking a question, to 'hear it in their own words'. This often sheds a lot of light on why a patient is in the exam room. I then turn to the parents to fill in the gaps and clarify the reason for the visit. Often a parent speaks over the child, and dismisses their answers, or continues to answer for them. I think that there are always small opportunities in life to enable kids and help them grow toward being independent adults.

"Fast forward 10 years and some of the parents may still dominate the visit, not allowing children to speak for themselves, a skill that fosters healthy mental development into an adult."

Someone who has been in tutoring for years sees the situation this way: "There is a college for everyone and no one right answer to the many questions that are raised in the admissions process." But there are obstacles. She thinks the cell phone and internet have changed the parent/child relationship dramatically. And she doesn't see it stopping once the children are admitted. The parents continue to edit their children's papers well into college and to offer advice. She also sees these patterns continuing; friends who are in constant contact with their children who are already in careers or marriage.

Our admission officer panelist says, "My own theory is that a generation ago only the privileged and very, very bright truly had access to the most selective colleges. Now that the doors have been opened (happily), the competition for the limited number of spaces has increased, resulting in parents feeling that they have to do whatever they can to help their students. I have no problem talking with parents throughout the process, but there are always the extreme cases where the parent is clearly taking over. Let’s just say that they’re not doing their kids any favors."

And one parent panelist says, "I think that lots of non-issues get in the way. Other than encouraging your children to keep their eye on the end result, and not lose their minds from the pressure (which I think is the most important thing that a parent can do for their kid during high school), I think a lot of the other stuff is just distracting noise."

Are true-life stories such as those in this blog distracting noise, perpetuating the same old issues? She doesn't think so: "I do think hearing about other people’s experiences and frustrations. It's helpful because it allows you to get a sense of how far off-base you might be drifting, or it might reinforce an idea or philosophy that you have that seems to be working."

That's good to hear.






Thanks to Dr. Jacquelyn Detweiler, Tina Squyres, Linda Auld and Kathy Phillips

Parents, Back Off -- The Unexpected Results of Too Much Attention -- Part 1

So, I sent a note to the Mom's College Cram Course panel, venting that I was tired of reading about helicopter parents, that I doubted it was such a big problem. I was informed that I was out of touch. Several panelists also pointed me to a recent series of opinions on "Have College Freshmen Changed?"- The pieces are worth reading -- and they just may cause some attitude adjustment.

Here's a sampling of areas covered/some do overlap: students are in touch with their parents an average of 13.4 times a week; they don't feel the need to make new friends since they can so readily stay in touch with high school friends; parents view students as an investment, a human asset class, and that the investment must be protected (give me my money back, my kid flunked a course...); parents aren't preparing our kids to be the young adults they should be when they arrive at college but allowing them to stay in a familial cocoon far too long.

Think about your own experience; it might have been like mine. I called home once a week, maybe wrote an occasional letter though I received far more. I was on my own as were my new friends, making decisions, determining which courses to take, doing foolish things that we didn't necessarily feel compelled to share with parents.

So please absorb the points made in the Times and then on Monday, I will share some personal comments from our panelists.

Sophomore Parents' Night -- What the Year Holds

At last night's Sophomore Parents' meeting, a counselor asked for a show of hands: how many parents were already anxious about the college process? A number of us raised our hands. Then he asked, how many of our kids were anxious. I didn't see a single hand go up. I suspect we should take some cues from our teens, at least this year.

Meanwhile we received an overview: testing this year (PSAT, done; subject tests, to be considered); a reminder of the parents' role in the college process -- co-pilot, not pilot; acknowledgment that all years are important (not just junior) because all years are reflected in the GPA; and a tip to start looking at the counseling department's newsletter for descriptions of summer enrichment programs, along with scholarship information.

Then, just as a preview experience, I went to another meeting and joined the last part of a talk given by an admissions officer from my alma mater. Even in 15 minutes I learned a lot about the school's approach to admissions.

But the most important thing I heard is something we all must remember. A student controls 75 percent of the admissions process -- which schools to consider, apply to and then which one to select. Of course, that 25 percent left to the colleges themselves is critical. But the breakdown does provide us all with some perspective. Free will is still a major part of the process.

The Doctor Is In -- Helping Our Kids Learn Good Habits

Not enough sleep, not enough breakfast. That's how our teen goes to school some days. I know better, but boy, is it tough to win kids over to the sensible side (of caring parents who can be a pain).

So I asked Dr. Jacquelyn Detweiler, a pediatrician who has a great way with teens, for her thoughts on issues related to teen health.

"Good health habits are exactly that, habits; these are often difficult to instill in a typically rebellious teen, who is in excellent health.

Most important: Sleep , sleep, sleep. I have not meet a high school student yet who gets enough. Their bodies are changing tremendously at this age. They have multiple stressors from varying from social pressures (do I have sex, should I try a cigarette, do I try marijuana, do I drink etc......), a large workload at school, hours of homework, with extracurriculars on top of that. Then we throw in being well-rounded and having to worry about college when you are barely through high school. Here's what teens should know:

1. The average teen needs 8-10 hours of sleep. Most get 6-8 hours or less. Reaction time (for driving and sports, for example) are all reduced on less sleep, as well as concentration and performance.

2. When you are stressed, the immune system is stressed, functions poorly, and kids are more likely to get sick. This in combination with the poor diet of the average teen increases the chances of a prolonged illness.

3. Eating a well balanced diet, getting plenty of rest, taking a multivitamin with Calcium and Vitamin D, all increase your ability to fight off illness."

Dr. Detweiler also told me about a common complaint/problem she often sees between September and December, especially in junior year.

"It's fatigue and malaise. When I take a good history I find that the teen is up at 6 a.m. for school, has an after-school activity, and then homework from evening until midnight. Once in awhile their bodies can tolerate this but not continuously on a daily basis." She points out that there could be medical disorders causing the fatigue, such as thyroid problems, anemia, vitamin deficiency, Lyme disease, mononucleosis and depression.

She adds that any of these conditions can become overwhelming and lead to a depressive mood -- with the condition occurring simultaneously with school-related exhaustion.

Our job: to do the best we can to demonstrate how necessary good health habits are (by our actions and maybe the occasional well-targeted emailed article to the target teen), to be on the lookout for health problems and to know when to give it a break.

Good luck to us all!

PLAN Problem Solved

Sometimes things that make sense aren't that easy to achieve. I'd written about how I thought it would be smart to have students take the ACT PLAN (the pre-ACT test) around the time of the PSAT in sophomore year -- to get a sense of which seemed a better test going forward for the individual student.

But, I learned, if your teen's high school offers everyone the PSAT, chances are they won't offer the PLAN. And the ACT people don't keep a list of schools in a given area offering the PLAN (so that your teen could possibly take the test elsewhere). A nice person at ACT told me our school could request a single PLAN test to be administered to our teen. That wasn't what I had in mind.

Her guidance counselor gave me the best advice: stop obsessing about it, just buy an ACT or PLAN practice book, and have our daughter take the PLAN under test conditions -- timer, etc. That should achieve what I want.

Reaction to Bad Grades As Determinant of Future Grades?

Progress reports came in this weekend. With the exception of one course, the news was good. And the problem course, well, it was expected and a tutor has been scheduled.

It occurred to me that how a student reacts to grades and reports may provide an indication of what's to come. I found an interesting piece from Psychology Today on that subject. It looks at fixed mind set (I did badly and I am stupid and there is nothing to do about it) and growth mind set (Sure, I didn't do well on this math test but that doesn't mean I don't understand it and I know I can improve.)

Neither one test nor one course is destiny. Not if students are encouraged to shape their own destinies by believing in themselves and notching up the effort.

It's Late, and This Physics Problem Is a Killer

Somehow, even with the most difficult lit or history homework question, there are ways to sort through it, do a little more research, start writing and then find yourself with a plausible response.

That would not be the case with physics, or algebra II or calculus. So who ya gonna call? One site that is getting raves now is Khan Academy,
http://www.khanacademy.org/ It's a not-for-profit open source learning project with the mission of providing a world-class education to anyone, anywhere. It won't provide the exact answer to a specific problem, but it does offer a teaching video and then exercises centered on highly targeted areas, such as parametric equations or introduction to mechanical advantage.

Another well-thought of site is The Math Forum @ Drexel/Ask Dr. Math which also has an online tutoring component for help with a specific problem. There is a cost -- the fee starts at around $35 a month for unlimited, 24/7 assistance.

Don't do anything desperate when neither you nor your teen can figure out the velocity problem. Simply seek immediate professional help.

The Things This Blogger Does for You, Dear Reader

So, I signed up (and paid for -- a huge step on my part) a four-part online course called Inside the College Admissions Process, hosted by Jacques Steinberg, national education correspondent for The New York Times. It's to be an inside view, with interviews with several deans of admission, of the selection process. And then I was going to provide Mom's College Cram Course readers with the highlights.

And I will, one day, once I am sent information on how to get into the course. There seems to be a problem with admissions to the course on admissions. Will start to share when I am able.

On the financial aid front, President Obama wants Congress to extend a tax break called the American Opportunity Tax Credit, that provides as much as $2,500 a year per student for expenses such as tuition, books and other related supplies. It might be worth contacting your congressman if you think it is worthwhile.

Meanwhile, this is my 100th post. So please let me know what is useful/what more is needed, so the next 100 can be fully tailored to parents' needs.

PSAT Day for Sophomores Too

This morning it begins. Our little chickadees start running the college-testing gauntlet. At our high school, sophomores (and juniors, of course) are taking the PSAT -- Preliminary SAT as it is officially known, or Practice or Predictive as it could also be called.

So while I am finishing another cup of coffee, my sophomore will be enjoying/enduring more than two hours of demonstrating strengths in critical reading, math and writing skills. It really is a warm-up test for the sophomores -- and maybe for parents, too -- as we truly enter the college-prep phase of our families' lives. To be followed by that first progress report, Sophomore Parents' Night, our teens' first serious college-related session with their guidance counselors, report cards, decisions about subject tests, and so on.

The College Board, which seems to think of everything nervous kids and parents need to know, has a helpful, calm-inducing piece that is worth reading. The main takeaway from the College Board is: Are you in ninth or 10th grade? Yes? Then relax. The PSAT/NMSQT shows skills you’ve learned and skills you may still need to work on before you go to college. It does not expect you to perform as well as students in 11th grade, and you still have time to learn and improve.

Learn and improve! Remember that when the scores come back in December. Meanwhile, our teen went off to the test happy: she got to sleep in a bit more today and she was excited about taking this first step. Good for her.

Where the Boys Are (or Aren't)

Stories like this have been running for at least the past five years. For a number of reasons (girls are better students, have better grades and are more likely to be selected by colleges; boys are less likely to complete college; and demographics related to income and race), some schools are seeing more girls than boys on campus. I suppose that reverses generations of the opposite situation, but it is worrisome if the trend continues.

Here's another look at the situation. There are a number of social and cultural implications that don't help either sex.

Co-ed schools as the new mostly all-girl schools? Who'd have thought that?

Don't Be Afraid - Just Be Yourself: College Essays 2010 - Part 3

So we've heard from parents and a teacher who advises students on their college essays. Now it's time to hear from a college admissions officer. She provides perspective and some commonsense pointers.

"When the most selective schools say that the essay is 'considerably important,' we’re saying that it can be a decision maker, though still not as important as other factors. I always make a point of telling students that their essay can be the reason they’re admitted, but it’s almost never the reason they’re NOT admitted (as long as their English teacher approves of the usage and their parents would approve of the content!)

The student who says that he has “three minutes to stand out” isn’t far off base. I read every part of every application, but with over 1,500 to read in three months time, the applicant has only about three minutes to capture my attention. One of my colleagues once said that the essay should be personal enough that if it was dropped on the cafeteria floor without a name on it, someone would know whose it was. I liked that example a lot.

Finally, as far as knowing whether or not the essay was coached, I just assume that most students get some level of help but don’t hold it against them. It’s true that a fantastic essay that doesn’t match the rest of the application would be a red flag, but we usually give students the benefit of the doubt. I recall my student- teaching experience many years ago when I gave a student a B on an essay about chinchillas because it seemed too well written to be her work (she was an average student). It turned out that she had a gift for writing...oops.

The one thing I do look for is the ordinary essay with too many sensory details. I call it the 'sports at sunrise essay: The orange sun was just coming up on the horizon. The grass gleamed with early morning dew. It was the day of the big game, and our team was ready … blah blah blah.' Those always feel coached and over-written to me.

My key piece of advice to students is to allow themselves to be a bit more informal than they would normally be in an essay. It helps them come alive."

Two parent panelists had additional thoughts. One said a friend of hers in a private college in New York could spot the coached essays from a mile away. Another has a friend who interviews for an Ivy. She looks for students' passion about their interests. Without passion, no matter how good they look on paper, they won't get into that school, the friend says.

I suppose that to show unity with our students, we should all attempt to write personal essays. On second thought, bad idea. We'll need to conserve our powers of persuasion to apply toward our teens.

Today, special thanks to our admissions officer and to Kim Cook and Marla Richardson.

Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself: College Essays 2010 - Part 2

In the last post we looked at the college essay from the parent's viewpoint. Today, we hear from panel member Lauren Fazzio. She is a high school English teacher who is currently teaching a unit on "reflective/personal/college admissions essay writing" with her senior writing students. She has studied the subject of college essays at length and also advises students individually. Here's what she has to say.

"The admissions essay is the only chance admissions counselors have to see who an applicant really is. I ask students these questions (among many others), and have them journal about them:

-- What’s your passion?
-- What makes you weird?
-- What do friends make fun of you for?
-- What has your life taught you, and how?

Once they have some of these ideas, I tell them to start the essay in a story or a moment. For example, if a student’s passion is piano-playing, put us on the piano bench. If a student’s quirk is a messy room, she should walk into the room and write what she sees. If a student’s life has taught him that fear can be conquered, put us in a scenario with description and dialogue where he's facing a fear."

She also provides guidance on the set up for the essay:

"For students who really need structure, I tell them roughly the first third (a paragraph or two) of the essay should be a specific moment or story, the second third should be a more general explanation of the situation (for instance, how typical it was of their life or what it meant to them)and the last third should be how they are now changed as a person because of it." She adds that, "Everyone loves when last lines come full circle, so an echo of the intro paragraph is always nice."

Her conclusion: "As a teacher, the best essays I’ve seen for college admissions (are candid and genuine. They sound human. I think they reflect the kind of student admissions officers would want to admit to their school."

Many schools, through their English departments or guidance counselors, offer sessions on the essay. Make sure your student is taking full advantage of them. The fear of essays can be conquered.

Next post: an admissions officer comments. Meanwhile, here is a recent look at the essay situation.

Fear and Loathing: The College Essay 2010 -- Part 1

What makes the college application essay such a popular discussion topic? There must be hundreds of articles and blog posts each year on this rite-of-admissions passage. Tips abound on how to write the standout essay.

Why is it so talked about -- and reviled? Is it that the outcome seems so subjective? (As one mom, who is in publishing, says, two different people can read the same thing and walk away with totally different opinions.) Or is it the sense that just a few hundred words can make or break an application?

So I turned to the Mom's College Cram Course Panel members for their anecdotes, advice and words of caution. In this three-part discussion (running consecutively), we will look at the essay from the front line (parents and teachers) -- and the front office -- admissions.

The College Essay -- From the Homefront

One mom understands why the essay is an important part of the application. As she says, "Life is all about communication, right? Even the most brilliant mathematician has to get his ideas across somehow." She also points out the need for a good editor. And that's the tricky part -- everyone needs an editor for any important piece of writing. But there's editing...and there is over-coaching. More on that later.

Another mom relates how her child's counselor says he wishes schools spent more time reading the personal essay than the transcript, since more can be discovered about the whole child in that missive than in the grades. This mom advises against tweaking or polishing. "Instead," she says, "we have conversations where our daughter can muse and self-reflect -- and those chats have been helpful in finding a topic."

Then there are two reports on the actual writing -- and the time frame in which it was achieved. Despite all we hear about the benefits of essay creation being an organic, ongoing process, reality is often quite different.

"My daughter wrote her essays a night or two before the absolute deadline. While it's probably not preferable to procrastinate to that degree, good writers can get away with just about anything," said one mom. She also recommends the novel Admission by Jean Hanff Korelitz, a former Princeton admissions officer who includes excellent essay advice.

Another mom said, "My daughter, who had previously been pretty good at getting stuff done, turned into a procrastinator when it came to the college applications. After the stress of junior year, I was really picking and choosing my battles very carefully. She was adamant that she could handle the process without any help or interference. After a couple of fights about it (and in order to preserve family harmony, and our sanity), her dad and I decided to take her at her word. Other than proofreading the essay for grammar mistakes we offered no advice or criticism on the essay itself. It was rather freeing to leave it in her lap...and since she is at a great school and is ecstatically happy, I am very glad that we bowed to her wishes."

Finally, one mom said, "I hope that my daughter writes with her heart -- and spells everything correctly when the time comes to write her essay." Amen.

Many thanks to Kim Cook, Jeanne Hogle, Marla Richardson, Tina Squyres and Sarah Wohlenhaus.

Community Colleges Get Obama Nod

It was a big day for community colleges. Jill Biden, a community college professor, introduced President Obama at a White House conference yesterday. He called community colleges the "unsung heroes" of our educational system. The day's dessert: a $35 million grant from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation that will be used to reverse a serious problem. Just about half of the students in community colleges don't get certificates or complete their associates' degrees.

The high cost of four-year colleges and a lousy economy have led to many articles and discussions on the benefits of attending a community college for two years so that the total cost of an undergraduate education (two more years in a regular four-year college) is more manageable.

Seems to me we are asking a lot of these schools which have seen decreased funding by local and state governments. We want them to help out the kids who wouldn't have even considered a community college a few years ago as well as the traditional constituency. And right now, for whatever reason, these schools aren't fulfilling their goal of students ready and able to move on to complete their college education or land a good job as a fully trained worker.

Good luck to our community colleges -- they need it, and we need them.

Financial Aid -- Dark Arts or Straightforward Math?

So, what do 5,000 high school counselors and college admissions officers talk about when they gathered for the annual meeting of the National Association for College Admission Counseling?

No surprise that one topic was financial aid -- and how naive some parents are about the admissions/aid process. Here's an interesting look at the situation, one that places some blame with parents, some with the schools that don't understand the concept of transparency.

A point to consider. If students receive financial aid, it is important for families to understand, and make sure they are comfortable with, the form it takes: loans, work study, etc. There aren't a whole lot of free rides out there.

Five Things to Do While You're A Sophomore

At Mom's College Cram Course we constantly seek fresh, quality content. Today the blog moves closer to achieving that goal.

We will now, in addition to regular posts, provide informed insights, expert opinions and reports from parent survivors of the college admissions process. The panel is still being built, but we already have a strong core that includes parents with children already in college, or with high school juniors and seniors, an admissions officer from a major private university, a high school teacher, a guidance counselor and a tutor. We'll likely revamp the blog somewhat over the next several months and also alert readers to panel additions.

Let's get started with the first question presented to the panel.

What are the most important things for sophomores to consider/do as they gear up for the college admissions process?

1. Academics. Do well in academic courses and choose the most challenging levels (Honors, AP, etc.) that you can handle when selecting junior year courses. Consider class rank -- a higher rank may be more beneficial than a challenging course that may result in a lower rank. Talk to the counselor about that. Stay focused on grades and keep the GPA high.
2. Test and Prep. Take the PSAT and ACT Plan. Start thinking about what kind of test prep would be most beneficial to the student's learning style when the time comes for prep: group classes, online tutorials or private tutoring.
3. Build the Resume. Find a club/volunteer activity/cause that really matters to the teen, so that it is easy to become immersed. Quantity is not as important as level of involvement; think about a leadership role down the road. Consider balancing a time-consuming activity with one or two requiring less time. Keep a diary of all activities -- or at least a list. It will be useful when writing essays.
4. Visit Colleges. Yes. Now. See as many as you possibly can, on school holidays or vacations. It's a low pressure time and a great way for students to get engaged in the process. By junior year, there is less time for travel because of the intensity of the course load and the stakes are feeling higher. Make it relaxing, but do take notes, photos, videos -- because the schools may start to run together after a while.
5. Develop a Personal Relationship with the Counselor.
There are lots of students, and the counselor will be writing a recommendation letter. The student should stop by, say hi, stay in touch -- starting as soon as possible.

Any additions or disagreements? Please comment. We're all in this together.

Meanwhile, many thanks to parent panelists Kim Cook, Jeanne Hogle, Barbara Rosamilia and Tina Squyres; teacher Lauren Fazzio; and a college admissions officer for their thoughtful input.

Back to School Night and Birthdays Don't Mix

Last night was back to school night and our teen's 15th birthday. The combination was not successful.

I'm generally the parent who deals with school-related activities. But we all decided that dad should meet our teen's teachers, too, and hear first hand about activities and expectations related to each course.

So we plotted carefully how to do a little celebrating in the hour or so we had before being seated in the first period classroom at 7 p.m. We all met at the designated restaurant which was mysteriously closed for the evening. We couldn't determine a substitute place we could all agree on that would also offer a fast enough meal. The result: our teen ate by herself at home while we went to school. It was -- emphatically -- not a good birthday.

It was a good opportunity for us, though, to gain a better sense of her teachers. We can now picture them when she describes something they have said or done. We can understand that she isn't exaggerating about the four-minute dash from one classroom to the next that often takes her to opposite ends of a sprawling, old building. And we can have a renewed sense of confidence that she is in a school that seems to have its values in place and is working hard to be the best it can be -- in academics, extracurricular activities, student support programs.

Now, to figure out how to make up for a rotten birthday.

Beyond Heartbreaking

The news was so stunningly bad. And then it got worse. Two Rutgers freshmen used a webcam to spy on a fellow student, who thought he had privacy in his own dorm room. The two students then shared their ill-gotten images on the internet. What made them think it was okay to spy in that manner? Was it a joke? Did they think they were clever? Were they so cold, unfeeling, that they didn't care how devastating their acts were?

I imagine they were primarily thoughtless and selfish. What was equally appalling is that some comments following the news story from earlier today seem to condone their actions.

I told you it gets worse. Later today it was announced that the third student, victimized and humiliated, killed himself.

So what does this have to do with getting ready to apply to college? It made me wonder how we can prepare our children to deal with others' stupidity and callousness; how do we let our children know we love them no matter what, that nothing is so bad that it should make them consider suicide. How do we teach them not to hurt others in such cruel ways?

And what do we do about the students whose prank led to a fellow student's death? Legally, not much will happen. Maybe we should bring back shunning -- physically and electronically. It might be a several-month period in which they live without benefit of support or sympathy. They just spend time contemplating their deeds -- and thinking about how they and their families would feel if they had been the victims, not the deadly pranksters.

High Admission Rates, Decent Reputations? Who Knew?

There's an online start-up company called EqualApp (an online college admissions counseling program for students and parents)that has run the numbers and identified 10 schools that have high admissions rates. Here's the report. EqualApp used national rankings, and also looked at geographic, academic and social data.

Case Western, Indiana University, Ohio State, University of Iowa, Ithaca, Drew University are among the 10 schools listed. It's an interesting and pleasantly upbeat way to look at admissions that reminds us that there's more to this process than institutions with single-digit acceptance rates.

Studying Solo or Going with a Group

More and more tests and quizzes dominate our sophomore's planner. Many seem to fall on the same day. I understand that it can seem overwhelming. So of course I've started asking the teen if she would like to try other ways of studying. My suggestion: study groups.

I have no idea if they are effective or not, what the logistics would be (at a home where a parent is around, or in the library after school?)or even whether it would suit our daughter's approach to learning. Let me add that I was never in a study group but had thought that to be with like-minded students who wanted to know material inside/out, this might be both effective and enjoyable (but not too enjoyable, mind you.)

Sure enough, the College Board has some thoughts on the study group issue.

I think it's worth a shot. Does anyone have experience with study groups working -- or not?

Intriguing Admissions Essay Goes Away

Well, for students thinking of applying to Penn, there is one less thing to worry about -- or have a little fun with. For years, there was an optional essay (that many applicants thought mandatory) that asked students to share what page 217 of their 300-page autobiography might contain.

It turns out that admissions readers just couldn't keep up with all the essays on the Common Application as well as the Penn pieces. So out went Page 217. Or was the real reason marketing-driven? A college admissions consultant wonders if the essay's disappearance is meant to encourage more applicants. And with more applicants, the percentage of acceptances shrinks. And that means a higher US News & World Report ranking.

Conspiracy theory or commonsense decision? I'll think about it later, after I figure out what my page 217 would include.

Application Process: Like a Political Campaign?

I'm currently helping a friend in her campaign to win reelection as mayor in a small Southern city. Two years ago she ran -- as a political novice -- to complete the term of the mayor who left midway. She won. Now she is running again for a full term.

It occurred to me that the actions she takes in campaigning bear some resemblance to the strategies used to win admission to college. You've got to get the basics right -- do the best you can to build a strong record, develop a strong support team, file papers on time, communicate clearly who you are and why you should be elected/admitted, etc. Then you wait for results, be it November or April.

I may start thinking about the admissions process as a campaign. But stop me if it looks as if I'm about to stick (S)Elect My Teen signs on some campus lawns.

Forget the Tea Party - Let's Start the Tuition Coalition!

I suppose some could argue that worrying about the cost of college doesn't really help a student get into one -- which is, after all, the purpose of this blog. But it seems that cost will increasingly be a factor for nearly all parents of the college bound, including those of us who started saving when the teens were babies.

To the lay people supporting the expensive college habit, it seems that too much is spent on sports, too much paid to administrators, too many dollars devoted to the incredibly manicured and gorgeous campuses that appeal to us even as we deplore what it takes to achieve the look. Those of us who've seen our own changes in spending during the past few years wonder why the same isn't happening at colleges. (I know, of course, that many public universities have seen their budgets cut, and private college endowments took a beating -- but the relentless upward spiral of costs has been going on for decades.)

Froma Harrop has written a column about the discrepancy between income and the cost of an education.

The Tea Party isn't my cuppa. But a Tuition Coalition? That's a movement worth considering.

NOTE: Back to things we can do something about. Linda Auld, of Suburban Learning Center in New Jersey, has some interesting comments/practical thoughts stemming from the Sept. 9 post on PSATs and the Sept. 16 CliffNotes discussion. Be sure to read them.

Time to Talk Majors, for Sophomores?

It seems as if we were just looking at the Book of Names, trying to decide on the perfect one for our on-the-way child. Now, we just got an email from the College Board, directed to parents of freshmen and sophomores,and it mentions the Book of Majors -- "...the only book that describes majors and lists the colleges that offer them. It provides detailed descriptions of the most widely available undergraduate majors — such as nursing, education and architecture — each written by a leading professor in the field."

Where did the time go? And should there really be such a focus on college majors so early in the freshman or sophomore year? Of course it is always good to be aware of options. I'll confess we had a lighthearted family discussion about possible interests -- and who knows -- maybe our teen will wind up in the major mentioned. Then again, maybe it's good to have several majors in mind, then look for schools that have strengths in those areas. Or maybe this is one of those areas where thinking has changed radically. Educate me, please.

First We Read, Then We Do

Thinking about college can give a family a collective headache and a sense of malaise. (Guess I have been reading too much about Jimmy Carter's book.) We just need to learn how to control the situation as best we can.

For those of you who haven't been through the process in recent years (and that includes my family), what has to be learned can seem overwhelming at this point. And we are just getting started, with a sophomore.

If you are in the same boat, here's an overview of the current admissions situation. It is Philadelphia-centric in terms of schools discussed, but it is still a good summary.

At some point, though, I need to decide what is a helpful read -- and what just scares me. Today I am still a college admissions omnivore.

SparkNotes, CliffsNotes -- Blessing or Curse?

I guess one's attitude about these "study guides" depends on whether you're a student or in the "other" category. Our teen was having trouble keeping the characters in a play straight, so she went to SparkNotes for a refresher. I knew she'd read the play, and I am all for using the resources available, and yet...

Then this morning, I read a professor's review of the major study guides students use today.

So that got me wondering what educators think about them. I was somewhat surprised that a few years ago the guides were a topic in a forum for teachers. Several seemed to acknowledge the guides as facts of life. Others tried to make sure they were testing and asking questions that could not be found at these sites.

My take: if the student has read the assigned book, the guides may help in studying or reviewing specific sections of a novel that may have seemed convoluted. As SparksNotes online copy says, "When your books and teachers don't make sense, we do." Well, maybe.

But don't get me started on a site called GradeSaver, which sells 2,715 literature essays. So that the student can copy them directly and get expelled? Or are they meant to serve as online muse, and no more?

So What's on Your List?

I've always found the concept of top 10 lists both daunting and silly. How does anyone create such a list (I am talking informative, not Letterman)? And what is their purpose, other than for the list creators to show how wise/clever/incisive they are?

But who knows, maybe I will come up with a top 10 list of things to do/not to do for high school sophomores as they prepare for college. Till then, I will share others' lists. Here's one that reviews 10 costly mistakes related to college admissions. No huge surprises, but there are a few that are worth remembering as teens start thinking about college options and applications.

Mistake No. 3: Colleges are looking for the well-rounded kid. As this Forbes blogger points out, colleges are looking for well-rounded classes. What they don't want to see is a candidate who has dabbled in many activities just so they can be listed on an application. There's no passion there, no depth of knowledge. Parents, as the school year gears up and organizations seek members, remind yourself and your students that this is one instance where less (but not zero) is more.

Mistake 4: The essay better be perfect – and seriously substantive. Of course that is true, but substantive means a full response to the college's questions, using life experiences, possibly. But beware of essays that make the applicant sound like a walking cliche. The college will not be interested.

Mistake 9: We can’t afford Big Name College. If a student is interested in Big Name College because she can handle the academics, believes the college offers the exact program she needs and just plain thinks it would be a good fit, then money should not deter the student from applying. There are scholarships, there are loans.

There are plenty of adult-written top 10s related to college admissions. I wonder what a student-authored top 10 list would include?

State College Grads Appeal to Recruiters

The Wall Street Journal is out with a ranking of colleges as determined by recruiters from the largest public and private corporations and nonprofits in the U.S. These 479 recruiters were responsible for 43,000 hires in the past year.

According to the recruiters, the top three schools in terms of providing academically prepared, well-rounded students fully able to succeed in the business environment were state schools: Penn State, Texas A&M and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Of the top 25, 19 were public colleges, one was Ivy (Cornell) and five were private, including Carnegie Mellon, University of Notre Dame and MIT.

Increasingly, in this new world that many of us can barely grasp -- of fewer positions, less pay, reduced expectations, higher college debt -- the ability to get a job may increasingly be a critical part of the college selection process.

Are the days now gone when college meant a time to broaden horizons, take courses in areas that intrigue even if they are not ultimately part of the career picture? Do the most selective schools lose a little cachet if their graduates don't seem as prepared for real world work? I don't know.

But these questions may need to be factored in as our teens start thinking about their prospects, for getting into a specific school and for their financial futures.

Subject Tests for Those Not in the Know

As the College Board folks say, Subject Tests let colleges know what is unique about applicants and in what areas they excel. They are one hour, multiple choice tests in math, science, history or languages. There are currently 20 subject tests available. Harvard and Georgetown, the last two colleges that required three subject tests, no longer do. The writing component of the SAT has proved to be a good indicator of success in college, and that element of the SAT has led, in part, to less emphasis on subject tests.

Some educators think that is a real shame. Subject tests measure a student's in-depth grasp of a subject in ways the SAT cannot. Also, coaching isn't all that effective for subject tests -- so they have seemed to be more accurate measures of ability. And even if schools don't require subject tests, the tests do add an extra dimension to an application, providing one more way that a student can stand out.

Subject tests are usually taken at the end of a school year, when a class is completed. Up to three tests can be taken on a single day. So, at least for our sophomore, the first potential subject tests are a 2011 event. Still, it's something to think about as the school year progresses.

Here's a good overview of the subject of Subject Tests.

Do School Year Jobs Pay Off?

Our teen currently has several recurring part-time jobs: babysitting, the occasional cat- and gecko-sitting, the rare koi pond maintenance gig and working at her church one or two times a month. The work doesn't involve an onerous amount of time and she is fortunate since she doesn't need these jobs to survive. They do, however, help her pay for clothes, entertainment and a portion of her monthly cell phone costs.

Her jobs require a level of maturity that indicate she is seen as responsible and trustworthy. But if any of them cut into study time or sleep, they would have to be dropped. School is her most important job right now.

Teens who work longer hours can suffer academically, showing less engagement and motivation, according to a study from 2007. Here's a brief abstract.

As for college admissions officers, they probably see part-time jobs as a demonstration of initiative, organizational skills and so on. But if the work gets in the way of classroom success, they just aren't worth it.

PSATs, PLANs Greet Sophomores

The three-year testing season begins any day. Our sophomore will be taking the PSAT in school in mid-October and we'll be looking into a fall date for the pre-ACT, or PLAN, too.

Before our sophomore takes the PSAT and PLAN, she needs to be familiar with the tests. Kaplan, the test prep company, is offering our students (and probably all high school students) free, online sample tests. It will probably be useful -- to the students and Kaplan, which gains information that can be used to encourage enrollment in not-free programs. Great marketing initiative, though how helpful such programs are seems debatable. That's for another discussion.

But heck, will certainly advise our sophomore to look at the free stuff.

Taking the PSAT begs the whole testing question that centers on which is the superior, most-preferred, easiest, hardest, best for some, not for others issue of SAT vs. ACT. They are both accepted equally by most colleges, with no bias for or against either. Still, when narrowing college choices, it is worth checking into preferences at specific schools. Meanwhile, to get an idea of peoples' thoughts on the matter, take a look at the comments following a post on the subject.

Which scores are submitted can be decided later. It does make sense to take both this fall to see which plays to your student's strengths.

And may the college testing begin!

Studying New Set of Study Habits

Swell. Just one more thing to undermine parents' position of authority. A review of study best practices -- study at your desk, stick with the subject till you know it, study for long periods of time -- has always been a part of the new school year preparation. Now we learn we're oh so wrong in the traditional approach. This article disabuses us of the sanctity of the rules we hold dearly.

Oh, and also toss the theories about being a visual or auditory learner -- and that certain teaching styles are more effective than others. Apparently these long-held beliefs just can't be proven.

In summary, here's the latest thinking on how to study effectively:

-- shift study sites
-- vary content so not just studying one thing
-- break up study time/avoid cramming if possible
-- self-test

As is pointed out, though, there must be motivation or none of the above will help a poor student become a great one.

So, let's rewrite the rule book and give our students a revised talk on study habits -- as soon as possible.

To Our Sophomore, with Love

School starts this week. While our teen isn't dealing with the same anxieties attendant with being a freshman, it's likely that sophomore year holds its own set of concerns.

As 10th grade begins for our teen, here are our deepest hopes for her this year and throughout high school:

-- Good friends who'll provide care, support and laughs when parents and teachers just don't understand

-- Engaged and enthusiastic teachers who transmit delight in their subjects and enjoy seeing their students learn and excel; who help students savor the process of learning as well as the completing the milestones of papers and exams

-- Increasing knowledge of self: what makes her happy, what seems most meaningful, how best to control stress and fears

-- A mentor (teacher, counselor, older friend) who will challenge, encourage, listen and advise her to do her best, be her best

-- Parents who know how to support, guide, question in the right amounts, and who know when standing aside is the best way to demonstrate their love

To a happy and rewarding sophomore year!

Do the Basics Now for Personal Statements

On college applications, the personal statement is the essay that helps a college understand who the student is, how she thinks, what she feels deeply about and what sort of student she would make at the specific school. Each school will ask a different question. It's up to the student to demonstrate an ability to reason, be creative, honest -- and to stand out from the thousands of other statements being read by admissions officers.

We still have a week to go before sophomore year begins, and more than two years before these statements must be submitted. But I am going to suggest that our teen get a head start and list the activities she does, from babysitting and gecko-minding (crickets, anyone?) to places visited, memorable people -- anything that has really meant something to her during the past nearly 15 years.

Meanwhile, here's a helpful site on writing personal statements, for preliminary perusal now, or later.

Thinking about Campus Visits?

Now when I see holidays coming up on the school calendar, I start thinking about visiting campuses. Maybe not formal ones, but visits that allow the sophomore to get a taste of a campus. I have heard about the big-deal junior year trips, usually taken by mom and teen, in which as many schools as possible are squeezed into the several days. It gives me a headache to consider the logistics.

But now there is a site that can help. It's the College Trip Planner on the Go See Campus site. According to a press release, it's a first, offering one-stop access to tours, information sessions and related admissions information at hundreds of schools.

It's probably worth testing -- we all need something to keep us organized.

College Car Talk

Some time ago I slipped a college directory into the car. My thinking: when we are on long drives, going through different states, we can read about colleges located in the areas we're driving through. Just a no-pressure way to get a sophomore to start thinking about the kinds of schools that might appeal. It is, right now, just a game, pre-PSAT, pre-results from the academically challenging year coming up.

But even games can reveal some truths. On a 10-hour drive back from a camping trip in Maine, I would ask what colleges the teen wanted to hear about then read the descriptions from the Fiske directory.

What we learned is that right now our teen seems more interested in an urban setting and she is already beginning to clarify her thinking on what her academic interests might be.

It's a time of dreams and unlimited horizons. Reality will set in soon enough.

Procastination -- Not Just Teen Affliction

For all that I do to make sure our teen gets assignments done -- nag, be disappointed, try to ignore -- I often forget two painful truths:

1. She is almost always on top of things, but may do them in her own time frame, which is not necessarily mine.
2. I've got the procrastination problem too, sometimes. I have not published a post in 10 days. I said summer would be light, but never anticipated this degree of sparseness.

So who has shown the lack of discipline? No one cares that our dog got into mouse bait (dog is fine), that my new laptop was acting in a bizarre fashion and it took hours to correct, that the old van stopped running in the middle of an errand, that the teen and I went away for a few days and now, we are all going camping.

Still, even a level of procrastination may get in the way of preparing for the sprint to college -- tests, applications, interviews, essays. It will certainly be a time of growing self-awareness for our teen, who will be a high school sophomore and learning a great deal about herself.

That's good. According to interesting, semi-academic piece on teen procrastination,
"...we all have to 'grow up' a bit to decrease our procrastination. Procrastination may be, in part, a developmental issue. I know many parents of teenagers will agree (and perhaps find some hope that procrastination may decrease as developmental issues of identity resolve)."

OK, so it's just a phase for our teen. What's my excuse?

High School -- It's More than Paying Dues

As our teen approaches sophomore year, I've been thinking more and more about what high school is about.

It's easy to focus on the end goal of college, but really, college is just the next step in growing up. It is not a trophy nor is it what defines a young person. No denying that it is important to get into the right school -- for the teen. Not the right school based on parents' desires or peers' opinions, but the school that best fits the teen's personality, interests, dreams.

Here's an essay by a high school counselor that is worth a parent/teen reading. His comments should be an important part of the college admissions process.

And we should all remember to relax and let our teens get as much as they can out of high school -- and I don't mean a bad case of the nerves.

Kindergarten - The Life-Defining Year

Forget about the quality of the AP calculus teacher. Apparently it's the kindergarten teacher who has the greatest impact on a student's success. So, Miss Juanita Kunkel, thank you.

A study that has not yet undergone peer review finds that some kindergarten teachers helped students learn far more than others and that the effect of the good teaching lasted up till junior high or so, then disappeared. But the study, which looked at how 12,000 kids who'd been part of a major experiment in education in the 1980s were faring today, found that those with really good kindergarten teachers were more likely to go to college, make more money, look ahead by saving for retirement -- and less likely to be single parents -- than those who did not have exceptionally fine teachers. Pretty amazing.

So, in going through a pile of old papers, I recently found my kindergarten report card. Miss Kunkel really brought me along -- from "making satisfactory progress" to "doing very well" in a range of activities, from taking part in games to showing interest in picture books. She couldn't nudge me forward, though, in art activities or working and playing well with others.

All in all, I haven't done too badly in life. Here's to the kindergarten teachers!

Summer's Good for Scouting Out Options

Private College Week is a great concept. A number of private schools in a state (Iowa, Kentucky, Minnesota, Virgina and Wisconsin are ones I spotted in a search) group together to offer special tours and presentations all in the same summer week.

This means a family can visit a number of schools during a vacation. The Virgina event, running this week, also offers an incentive; if three or more schools are visited by a student during the week, application fees will be waived on three private colleges among the 25 involved in the program. It's a nice little perk for participating. And it makes the process a lot easier for families if there are a number of target schools in the same state.

Summer's a good time to take campus tours -- they will bring websites and directory descriptions to life and can help in the process of determining the final list. And where to have an interview later.

Our teen has no idea about where she'll want to apply. But that doesn't keep this mom from urging her to start some preliminary thinking. That's why there is a college directory in the car. On that long, long drive to Maine later this summer, just imagine how many colleges we'll pass.

Freshman Year Roommate -- Live-In Blind Date

I'm jumping ahead here. Our teen is about to enter sophomore year of high school. Discussions of college roommates are a long way off. But two events prompt the digression -- a birthday and an article.

I was one scared kid facing freshman year at Duke. I figured I could do the work, but boy, was I nervous about everything else. And that included life with a roommate. Here's what my randomly assigned roomie and I had in common: identical height and birthdays two days apart. That's it. I was public school, she was private -- let me notch that up -- boarding school. She always seemed self-assured and immensely more sophisticated than I. She could go to mixers and look utterly serene and bemused, drink in one hand, cigarette in other. (It was a different time.)

She was clever, smart and just what I needed to get through freshman year. The next year she was my suite-mate in a single room beside mine; Rachel -- who remains a great friend -- and I roomed together for the next two years in the dorm and one year off campus. Still, Ann and I stayed pals during the rest of college and have remained in touch, seeing each infrequently but exchanging cards on our birthdays.

A few days ago we both had big birthdays, and she sent me a cake with a funny, silly poem. Vintage Ann. Then, I spotted an article about freshman roommates and their effect, positive and negative, on the college experience.

I was sure fortunate that I was matched to Ann. She helped me survive a difficult transition, in style.

Learning about the World at the Library

As a child, I met one of my significant mentors in the library. Miss Helen Charles was head librarian of the branch near our home. For whatever reason, the quiet, shy girl and the tall, white-haired, no-nonsense woman clicked. Until her death, when she was in her late 80s, we were friends.

But she was also an important life guide. She introduced me to books and subjects I might not have found on my own. And, through historical novels, she let the young teen see a glimpse of sex that -- trust me -- I would not have known through other sources.

I spent long summer hours in the cool, dark library, and Miss Charles was by my side, opening the world to me. When I graduated from college, I sent her an invitation to the ceremony with an acknowledgment that she played an enormous role in getting me to that point.

With e-books sales now overtaking the old-fashioned ones at Amazon, will we lose the magic of libraries and the counsel of women like Miss Charles? With e-books and budget cuts,I suspect we've begun to live the loss already.

Are Test Scores Destiny?

Decades ago, when I was applying to colleges, I had lopsided scores: near perfect verbal and let's not talk about math.

I got into a good school, but not the ones I wanted at the time. I am pretty sure my math score held me back. In retrospect, it seems to me my college took a chance. And I managed just fine in my classes. Do schools still take chances, or do students' scores really provide immediate boundaries in terms of which colleges might accept them?

Here's a list of colleges that do not use the SAT or ACT as primary elements in the admissions process.

While you may not have heard of many of the colleges, you'll also see some pleasant surprises.

OMG, There's a 7:30 a.m. Class

Our teen just found out this weekend that she will have one of her most demanding classes, AP U.S. History, at 7:30 a.m. Say your prayers for us!

It's not the teen's fault that she doesn't want to get up in the mornings -- it's biology. Up till about 10 years of age, children wake up refreshed and ready for their day. But then pre-teens begin inching forward in their circadian rhythms, and they are no longer sleepy around 9 or 10 p.m. Studies have shown that teens need as much or more sleep than they did as children. And a study in the current issues of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine (abstract here)suggests that the simple change of starting first period at 8:30 allows teens to get more sleep (because many even went to bed a bit earlier); suffer less from sleepiness during the school day; and cut down significantly on both depression and day-to-day irritation.

Of course, it isn't easy to change schedules and times and still fit everything in. But maybe it is a major hassle worth considering.

Meanwhile, please, every morning starting in September, send good thoughts our way.

Letting Them Soar

Any nervousness I felt was my own fault. I'd given my husband a Christmas gift of two certificates to go soaring; he and our teen would have an adventure. I went along for the drive.

Here's how it works. The "guest" gets into a sailplane, often called a glider, along with an FAA-certified pilot. The sailplane is connected by a line to a small tow plane. The plane takes off, the sailplane follows. Soon, the pilot releases from the tow plane and free flight begins, at about 3,000 feet, with the sailplane riding on the air currents. At the end of the ride, the pilot glides the sailplane back home. Dad and teen each went up solo, with the pilot.

They found it exhilarating and exciting -- especially when the teen was able to take the controls and make some turns in the sailplane. Oh, and the views were breathtaking.

I stayed on the ground and personalized the experience -- as I tend to do. And here's my impression of the event: for the first 15 years or so, it is our job to prepare our children for the time when the tow line is dropped.

At some point we have done all we can. And then we can only wish them happy soaring.

What's Wrong with Rutgers?

Back when I was growing up in Baltimore, my dad would sing, "Nobody ever died for dear old Rutgers, nobody ever died for Rutgers U." We had no connections to the school or New Jersey. Thanks to Wikipedia, I now know it was written by Jule Styne and Sammy Cahn for the 1947 musical, High Button Shoes. So that's where he got it.

It appears, though, that not only will no one die for the school, no one wants to attend, either. New Jersey students would rather go elsewhere and, in fact, more of its high school grads leave home for college than any other state. Is it the state, or the school, or too many attractive options elsewhere? Nor does the school attract new blood -- not many out-of-staters want to attend, either.

Whatever the reason, it is frightening for the state's future. It's beyond frightening for me, as a parent: I desperately want Rutgers to be an attractive, viable option. Sure hope our teen doesn't read this post.

Looking for Jobs in All the Right Places -- and Finding None

Maybe it's the heat. Over 100 in our part of New Jersey. Maybe it's the relentlessly bad economic news, which seems to hurt more after many of us felt optimism earlier in the year. Or maybe it's thinking about our teen and worrying about her future in a world that just may offer fewer opportunities, on every front.

Whatever the reason, I am turning more blue as the grass is turning more brown in the Garden State.

Both The Star-Ledger and The New York Times ran stories today about struggling college graduates -- with talent, willing to work, wanting to make the most of their education -- who can't find anything.

How do we prepare our teens to understand that life may well be different for them? How do we inject reality without injecting dream-numbing fear?

College Students Studying Less

It has occurred to me that some students may feel that their first life battle is getting into college. Once there, do they know what to do with the gift they've been given -- or do they just bide their four years in anticipation of a diploma and the next step?

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I was looking ahead during my college years to what I might do afterward, rather than being totally committed to learning. I attended classes, wrote some pretty good papers (found a few recently) and learned a lot that I fear has long ago left my mind.

I also spent a lot of time studying -- or it seems to me I did. Apparently, though, the number of hours put into study is shrinking, according to some studies mentioned here.

Are students more efficient at studying because it takes less time to find information? Are they working jobs to pay for college, thereby cutting into study? With grade inflation, do students assume they will get a decent grade no matter how little they study?

Or is it that students just don't have the attention span anymore, given all the distractions and interruptions that our wired world brings? And does it matter?

I would say it is too soon to tell.

Explaining the Difference

So differentiate yourself already.

That seems to be the sensible command from many college admissions experts. Here's one summary piece that discusses a few ways to help a teen break out from the crowd.

The article also shares a preliminary version of the Common Application that will be available officially on Aug. 1. It's worth looking at -- it might even offer a chill on a hot summer day.

But thinking ahead can be beneficial. It's worth asking your teens to consider what they'd write about, what vignette or experience would help an admissions officer better understand the essence of that teen.

It could even be a pastime during a long family drive, when the teen has run out of DVDs to watch.

Campus Interviews as TV Does Them

I'm in transition, to desk chair from car and plane seats, so I will keep today's post light.

While we were away, I watched Friday Night Lights, the NBC show that viewers and critics alike enjoy. One storyline last week was about the coach's daughter having a college interview. Find the scene at about 28:54 into the episode.

Was it realistic? What grabs attention (of the positive kind) in the interview setting? How important are the interviews? Do they make a difference in a borderline admissions situation?

So much to learn! Good thing our teen is a pre-sophomore.

Girls and Science

Good intentions seem to dissolve while on vacation. Whether eating sensibly or getting exercise or writing new posts, somehow there are always excuses. For the latter, it's just being able to connect to the internet, sometimes a challenge even in this highly wired world.

But here I am and I have been thinking about science and girls. There was a piece last week in The New York Times discussing why more girls don't go into math and sciences, even though they score well on tests and do as well as males once they have a career in science. The writer felt that too much time is spent arguing about disparities in general rather than encouraging individuals.

Our teen in interested in the brain and how it works, and for her vacation book, brought along and is reading about the science behind how the brain understands music. She also enjoyed her biology course, despite gripes, and learned a lot. How do we keep this interest alive? What can we do? What do we expect teachers to do for her?

At this point, I am just so pleased she is willing to put in the time and effort to expand her knowledge -- and maybe find something she really cares about.

Sporadic Postings While Away/Summer Plans

We're off to visit family in California. My husband and I are counting on it being a more satisfactory trip for our teen than the sodden camping trip to Nova Scotia last year.

I will post occasionally while we are away. And during the summer, I will post just a few times a week as I regroup and work to strengthen the content and presence of Mom's College Cram Course.

Happy summer!

Freshman Year Is Over!

Our teen's freshman year passed quickly, from the painful first days of transition to a far more confident, happy end.

High school has been good for our teen and good for me, too. I more fully understand we have a feet-on-the-ground daughter who has enjoyed getting to know a range of new people and who learned a lot inside and out of the classroom. She has created a good foundation for the academic and personal growth to come.

Last weekend, as part of my effort to get rid of stuff, I came across my junior prom dress. Why had I moved it so many times, why had I kept it? Believe me, it was not a special night -- neither my date nor I was a lot of fun. Anyhow, I looked at that dress, decidedly old fashioned (i.e., covered up), but I remember liking it and how I looked. I asked our teen if, for a hoot, she would try it on. She sweetly did, and suddenly, I was standing in front of me. It fit perfectly and she felt utterly ridiculous.

The dress will be tossed -- but it sure sparked some memories that will remain. After all, reminiscences don't take up space in the house.

Testing Knowledge About Family Members

Do you know what a Stokes unit is? In New York, it's the next phase in the immigration process if a couple flunks an initial interview related to a citizen attempting to get a green card for a spouse. As a recent article demonstrated, these interviews (in theory) help immigration staff assess if a couple is truly married or whether the marriage is a sham to help someone get a green card.

Sorts of questions asked might include: what did a spouse wear at the civil wedding, what are favorite foods or music, what birth control methods are used, who cooks?

A follow-up article looked at a couple that has been married for 17 years but keeps flunking the interviews. That prompted a frightening thought: would our teen and her parents pass a Stokes unit interview after nearly 15 years together? I view us a pretty involved family but I suspect we'd not get some questions right. Some answers might change daily, others we're simply not going to know.

In other words, would the Horton family pass a Stokes unit interview? I'd hope accommodations would be made for parents of teens.

Everyone Needs a Mentor

The New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof related in his Sunday column the story of a man named Wes Moore, who survived a tough childhood in the Bronx, eventually went on to Johns Hopkins, became a Rhodes Scholar and then a White House Fellow and is now a banker who puts in many hours as a volunteer in Baltimore and New York.

There was another Wes Moore, who also came from a bad neighborhood, almost had some chances out of the despair of difficult times in Baltimore, was found guilty of murdering an off-duty police officer and is serving a life sentence with no chance for parole. Both Wes Moores were black, poor, had families who wanted better for them, experienced early run-ins with police and had opportunities. One got out of the dreadful cycle, one did not.

Kristof writes about the survivor Moore and the book Moore wrote, The Other Wes Moore, and identifies mentoring as the lifeline for the successful Moore. We as parents want to be the sun, moon and stars for our teens. But they need others, outsiders, to help them view the world more broadly, see its opportunities and understand that it takes hard work to take advantage of them. Read Kristof's piece and think about what we can all do to mentor young people -- and to give more kids an even chance.

Almost Summer

First, a confession. How will I be able to guide our teen toward a disciplined approach to handling college applications and adhering to deadlines when I simply couldn't get a posting done yesterday? It's a lesson:practice what I preach.

Our teen is taking finals now, turning in textbooks, tossing notes that she believes will never again be useful. It's just about the end of freshman year. She has already received her summer assignments for AP US History and has promised herself she'll get them done with time to spare.

I am hoping she will take a few minutes in the next few months to jot down her life achievements to date -- Girl Scout Bronze Award, flute camps, reading buddy, surviving life with us, and so on -- as a preliminary step in thinking through how she will describe herself to admissions officers. I am hoping she reads some fine books, has good discussions with us and her friends about anything that occurs to her and manages to have fun this summer, despite the dreaded geometry preview course.

Here's to all that summer should be!

Guidelines for Private Counselors

Private guidance counselors weren't around when I was applying to college. I'm not so sure that was a bad thing. I would imagine many families using them are already highly advantaged in terms of grades and income. One study says that 26 percent of "high achieving" students use them.

When high school guidance counselors can't or won't do enough to help students (not enough of them, maybe?), it seems the private counselors would be a wonderful and necessary resource. But they don't work pro bono --it can costs families many thousands of dolloars to hire them.

At least it is good to know that the two associations of private counselors -- the Higher Education Consultants Association (HECA) and the Independent Educational Consultants Association (IECA) -- have a code of ethics. The HECA just announced it had instituted a code; the IECA already had one.

Take a look at this review of the codes. If these principles are adhered to, it does put to rest some concerns about the private counselors' role in the admissions process.

New Laws Affect College Debt

Since 2005, bankruptcy laws are harder on students who take out college loans and then suffer through years of unemployment than they are on people with large credit card bills or casino loans.

This segment of the law used to be known primarily within education circles. Finally it is getting public attention and there are bills in the Senate and House that would make the rules regulating private loans less strict. Today young adults who can't pay back these loans (different from federal loans which require repayment, but have more options for payment plans and even occasionally forgiveness of loans) are classified as if they didn't pay criminal fines or didn't pay child suppport.

It seems to me that increasingly high school students and their parents need to talk about money, the long-term ramifications of borrowing (especially large amounts) and whether value in education should trump expensive brand name.

Meanwhile, read about the bankruptcy issue here.

Books, Even Unread, Make Our Kids Brighter?

Ah, vindication! One of the reasons we were attracted to the house we're in is that it has a small library. A room full of shelves -- and we had the boxes of books to fill them. But now I understand it wasn't just a simple matter of storage that made the house appealing.

According to a study in Research in Social Stratification and Mobility, there is a correlation between academic performance and the number of books in the home. The study, spanning 20 years, involved more than 70,000 people in 27 countries.

A major finding: children in homes with more than 500 books spent more than three years longer in school and are 20 percent more likely to finish college than children in less book-centric families.

I guess the researchers are already trying to figure out how they can do similar studies in an era of Kindles and iPads.

High School Course Cutbacks

It's the trickle-down theory at work. Without getting into the byzantine nature of New Jersey politics or the property tax horrors afflicting so many Garden State communities, let's just say that most school districts have been trying to figure out how to get by on less. In our town, we've just had a look at how these cutbacks may play out.

The high school needs a new choir director; in the past this person also taught AP Music Theory. The position is being advertised as part-time, and there will be no AP Music class taught.

Our teen came from a small private school to the big high school in part because of greater opportunities -- in academics and music.

In times of belt-tightening, pain must be shared. But we're all scared. What next? Will a school noted for its excellence in the arts soon be noted for its glorious past and now grim future?

If You Started College Savings Late, Some Ideas

If you have teens and you haven't saved much for college, there are some options. None of them is pretty.

First, don't attempt any financial heroics without professional help. This will involve taking a long, hard look at your retirement situation. If you are young(ish) parents, intend to work to 65 or beyond and have already built up a solid nest egg, you may be able to do some shifting into 529s. You'll need to pay attention to gifting rules (there is a thing called "super funding" for college accounts, which means there can be a one-time gift of $65,000 per parent per child) but that gift precludes anything else being given to that child's account for five years.

Contact a financial planner or accountant, think through your own well-being and don't do anything rash. Here's an article about a family with a senior and sophomore and no college savings yet. See what a professional recommends.

Good luck, to us all.

Time to Step Back

It was a long holiday weekend and our high school freshman spent a good part of it doing homework and projects. We are proud of the effort and conscientiousness -- qualities that will be critical in these pre-college years, and throughout life, too.

The weekend was also a good time to marvel at our child who isn't a child any longer, but who retains the sweetness, curiosity and openness of our little girl along with a growing sophistication in how she reasons, expresses herself and comprehends the world.

She'll be ready -- when it's time -- to deal with the college application process. In fact, she'll probably help me get through it.